I have been planning to go to this year’s GDC for the past 6 or so months.

I talked to an american friend of mine for us to both meet up. We both organized a place to sleep in, some stuff to do, places to see. Planned the GDC schedule. They got me a gift. The stars were aligning for next week to be an incredibly memorable one.

Last week, Israel bombed Iran.

I already knew this was probably spelling doom for me, but I wanted to hold out hope. Partially because it’s better to over-plan than to miss my flight because I assumed it won’t happen, but mostly because I didn’t want something I’ve been fantasizing that much about to go to waste.

As my flight was approaching, I was growing in nervousness. All flights were grounded, but it was announced that outgoing flights would be starting on sunday, the very day I have my flight.

I looked this morning at the flight tracker, and the flight still seemed to be on. I was nervous but happy. Maybe I get to get out of this shit and go have fun.

While I was at the supermarket checkout, buying stuff to give my friend, I got an email saying the airline cancelled my flight.

I finished checking out to not hog the line, got outside, and just

stared at it. for a few minutes.

I didn’t really move. I sent messages, I was active on my phone but I was just

all the energy drained from my body. it still has, I’m typing this so very tired.

Told the friend. They’re bummed out, I’m bummed out. I told them to still go to GDC and do the stuff we planned to do without me, but they mentioned that a lot of other people also cancelled going to GDC due to the trump administration’s ICE bullshit.

I still want to go see them. I was planning to meet my family, see some other friends on the way.

I might start planning to go to the US anyways, just to see people. I might start planning to go to gamescom in august instead.

I don’t know.

either way, this is going to ruin my entire week.