I’m currently vacationing in Spain. It’s my dad’s 70th birthday (big moment as you may imagine) so we decided to have a little family trip to spain as a way to celebrate.

Coming with us for the trip was a colorful cast of characters, including:

• My dad, the birthday boy who’s stubborn as a mule and has a failing sense of hearing (whether due to age or him just ignoring us intentionally is up to debate)
• My sister, the overachieving sibling with a doctorate and stress levels that will certainly be the cause of some diagnosis later in life.
• Her husband, who goes into crying fits from his own jokes.
• Her two kids, who have been shockingly non-problematic throughout this whole trip, considering they’re at the age where they still don’t 100% have a sense of empathy.
• My grandma, who’s continued existence on the plane of the living is only explicable by an act of God.¹
• Me, someone who loves the rest of this list but will still proceed to describe them like that.
• and my brother, who’s personal belongings will be the center of this story.

Yesterday evening, my brother’s earbuds went missing. We had no idea how or why, he used them on the car ride over to the hotel and we haven’t really gone anywhere since, but he couldn’t find them anywhere. He turned over his backpack, his luggage, under the beds, in the bathrooms, in the seats, in cupboards we didn’t even know existed - nothing. He is notoriously forgetful, so in a stroke of great presight he put airtags on everything he owns. (Airtags are apple branded GPS trackers that only work when an apple product is near them, so they can scream out for help going “HEY, I AM AT THIS LOCATION!”. Very specific useability, but still.)

Checking his “find my airtags” app - the GPS tracker showed the airpods being in the hotel somewhere. Good, that narrows down the search. I decided to look the room over again, look outside in the parks, ask the hotel management - nada. Airpods also have a neat little “make a noise to locate me” button, which we slammed about 20 times a minute while looking everywhere for them in some futile belief that maybe this time they’ll materialize under the beds.

Two hours of searching and nada. Damn. Well, we scheduled to meet with our uncle and cousins, so we’ll go there with or without airpods.

We leave the hotel, take the train, have a lovely time with our family, and my brother checks the app again. The airtags have stopped showing their location. Their last update was the moment we left the hotel, in fact. If you may recall, airtags only work if someone with an apple product is near them, so this means that wherever they are has been barren for that amount of time.

If it was getting flagged constantly while we were in the hotel, and suddenly it stopped - it’s gotta be in someone’s room. But whose?

These news were nice because our search was much more narrowed down, but also more annoying because WHERE THE HELL ARE THEY?! THEY’RE IN ONE OF OUR ROOMS! WE LOOKED OURS OVER FROM HEAD TO TOE! I suggested the theory that for it to be in one of our rooms, and for no one to notice an appliance that’s been making constant noise for about 2 hours, it had to be someone with poor hearing - my grandma. No idea how it got in her room, but that was the only explanation we could come up with.

As we come back to the hotel, my brother decides to do an experiment: We will all go up in small batches to our rooms. That way, the moment someone goes upstairs and the airpods ring, we know it’s in their room. My sister and her husband go upstairs, and nothing. My mom and grandma, nothing. Me and my brother go into our room, and the instant the door opens-

Ding!

The airpods are seen again.

“IT’S GOTTA BE HERE DUDE.”

We flip the room over once more, not leaving a corner unscathed, and still nothing! But how? The experiment was perfect! The data makes sense?

Fuck it, my brother decides he’s just going to go room by room while slamming the noise-making button and see where it is. I give him my good wishes and wait to see what comes out of it.

About 10 minutes later, there’s a video recording in the family group chat.

Turns out, my dad just saw the airpods in the car and assumed they were his, and also decided to not wait for us to get in our rooms and just walk right behind us. Also, for some reason decided that “his” airpods making constant location noises? Totally normal. Nothing to worry about. Why would it? It’s his airpods.

Evidently I wasn’t wrong about it being in the room of someone who can’t hear very well.