My parents’ house has been in renovations for the better part of 3 years now, and finally construction has ended and they started moving back. I came to help with the move since they’re both pushing 70 (despite my dad’s insistence that he can totally carry the sofa on his own without hurting his back and ending up in the hospital. again.), and because I have a self-hosted server that I run from their living room. Not like they’re using the bandwidth anyways right?

So I took my little raspberry pi, plugged it in an empty socket and tried connecting. I made my setup pretty plug-and-play with dynamic dns and a bunch of docker containers so that should be it, but I couldn’t connect to my hostname. Huh, weird.

Oh, right, port forwarding. I need to mess with the settings of the new router. Oops.

I go to the physical router, find the password and username hidden on that little sticker with text so small you’d think it was made for ants, and connect to the gateway.

But oh, what’s this?

Oh. Oh? Hoh. Haha. Yes. I see. I couldn’t just connect to my router and change my settings. the router in my house. silly me. I need to download an APP. the PROPRIETARY BEZEQ APP. so I can see the info of MY ROUTER that is in MY HOUSE and I can TOUCH with MY OWN HANDS through THEIR SHITTY APP.

In the name of convenience, you see, we must make everything less convenient. USE MY APP.

THE APP DOESN’T EVEN FUCKING WORK. I USED TO BE ABLE TO JUST. CONNECT. TO THE DUMBASS THING AND CHANGE MY PORTS. DONE DEAL. IN THE LAST APARTMENT THIS WAS A 5 MINUTE ORDEAL BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOO. THE DUMBASS APP CAN’T TALK TO MY ROUTER SO NOW I CAN’T DO FUCK WITH IT AND I HAVE TO CALL SUPPORT TOMORROW SO I CAN DO THE THINGS I USED TO BE ABLE TO DO IN FIVE MINUTES.

DON’T YOU CONDESCEND TO ME, YOU METAL FUCK; YOU ARE A ROUTER SHOVED IN SOMEONE’S CLOSET, NOT A GOD. LET ME OPEN MY GODDAMN PORTS AND WATCH DR WHO IN PEACE.